Moonpointer : Buddhist Blog of Everyday Dharma




  • Ad

  • Poll

    If you and your spouse are of different faiths, how do you introduce religion to your only child?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...
    • Polls Archive
  • Slideshow

      Get the Flash Player to see the slideshow.
  • Random Photos

    MtKoya-Mausoleum11.gif Nara-WeedPond.gif P1020211 Tokyo-Zojoji-SmallJizos2.gif P1020005 HigashiHongganji-Door.gif Arashiyama-River3.gif p1020040 Tokyo-AsakusaTemple.gif
  • Stonepeace@Twitter

    • One who insists no one is ever beautiful enough will never be beautiful enough. 8 hours ago
    • Arrogance is the amplification of ignorance. 10 hours ago
    • Just as it is totally bad to think others are totally bad, it is totally bad to think oneself is totally good (if still unenlightened). 19 hours ago
    • Though outer peace conditions inner peace [to some extent], inner peace creates outer peace. 2010/02/04
    • Mindfulness of Buddha is the fastest way to Buddhahood and the only way for the hellbound to avert the deepest hell. 2010/02/03
  • Subscribe Moonpointer-Daily

    Subscribe
  • Subscribe Moonpointer-Weekly

  • AdLinks

  • Moonpointer Friends

  • Past Blogs







  • Links

    • Buddhist Channel
    • LivingVegan
    • Peta
    • Sea Shepherd
    • Sharkwater
    • TDE
    • VSS
  • Tags

    • acceptance
    • agnosticism
    • Amitabha Buddha
    • Amituofo
    • Anatta
    • anger
    • Anicca
    • animal welfare
    • appeal
    • appearance
    • appreciation
    • Arahat
    • Arhathood
    • art
    • aspiration
    • astrology
    • asura
    • atheism
    • attachment
    • attitude
    • aversion
    • beauty
    • belief
    • blame
    • blessings
    • bliss
    • Bodhicitta
    • Bodhidharma
    • Bodhisattva
    • Bodhisattvas
    • book
    • boredom
    • Buddha
    • Buddha-nature
    • Buddhahood
    • Buddhas
    • calmness
    • celebration
    • change
    • chanting
    • chaos
    • charity
    • clinging
    • commitment
    • communication
    • compassion
    • complacency
    • complaint
    • concentration
    • confidence
    • conflict
    • conscience
    • consumerism
    • contentment
    • courage
    • craving
    • cruelty
    • cult
    • death
    • dedication
    • defilements
    • delusion
    • demon
    • depression
    • design
    • desire
    • despair
    • destiny
    • deva
    • devotion
    • Dharma
    • Dharmakaya
    • Dharmapala
    • diligence
    • disappointment
    • discrimination
    • distraction
    • dogma
    • domestication
    • doubt
    • dream
    • duality
    • Dukkha
    • dying
    • ego
    • Ehipassiko
    • empathy
    • emptiness
    • enlightenment
    • enmity
    • Environmentalism
    • equanimity
    • euthanasia
    • evil
    • evolution
    • existential crisis
    • existentialism
    • expectation
    • faith
    • fantasy
    • fate
    • fear
    • feelings
    • finance
    • forgiveness
    • Four Noble Truths
    • freedom
    • free enquiry
    • friendship
    • gamble
    • game
    • generosity
    • ghost
    • globalisation
    • God
    • gods
    • goodness
    • gratitude
    • greed
    • grief
    • Guanyin
    • guilt
    • guru
    • haiku
    • happiness
    • harmony
    • hatred
    • healing
    • heavens
    • hell
    • honesty
    • honey
    • hope
    • humanity
    • humility
    • humour
    • hungry ghost
    • ignorance
    • illusion
    • impermanence
    • intention
    • interconnection
    • interde
    • interdependence
    • intoxication
    • invest
    • investment
    • jealousy
    • judgement
    • justice
    • Kalyanamitra
    • karma
    • killing
    • kindness
    • koan
    • leadership
    • letting go
    • liberation
    • life
    • light
    • loss
    • love
    • loving-kindness
    • lust
    • lying
    • Mahayana
    • mandala
    • mantra
    • Mara
    • marriage
    • materialism
    • meaning
    • meaning of life
    • meditation
    • memory
    • merits
    • Middle Way
    • milk
    • mind
    • mindfulness
    • miracle
    • moment
    • monastics
    • money
    • monster
    • morality
    • mystery
    • myth
    • nihilism
    • Nirvana
    • Noble Eightfold Path
    • nothing
    • now
    • offering
    • Organic
    • organ transplant
    • pain
    • paradox
    • paramitas
    • parenthood
    • parinirvana
    • past lives
    • patience
    • peace
    • percception
    • perception
    • perfection
    • perseverance
    • pilgrimage
    • politics
    • pollution
    • possibilities
    • power
    • practice
    • prayer
    • prayers
    • precepts
    • prejudice
    • pride
    • priority
    • procrastination
    • prophesy
    • punishment
    • Pure Land
    • Pureland
    • purity
    • purpose
    • quantum
    • reality
    • reason
    • rebirth
    • rebirths
    • recycling
    • reflection
    • refuge
    • regret
    • regrets
    • rejoice
    • relativity
    • relics
    • religions
    • repentance
    • resistance
    • respect
    • responsibility
    • retreat
    • retribution
    • reverence
    • ritual
    • sacrifice
    • Samsara
    • Sangha
    • self
    • self-fulfilling prophesy
    • selfishness
    • sex
    • sexuality
    • shojin ryori
    • shrine
    • sickness
    • sincerity
    • skilful means
    • smile
    • sorrow
    • speciesism
    • speech
    • stealing
    • Stonepeace
    • Stream-winner
    • stress
    • stubbornness
    • stupa
    • suffering
    • suicide
    • sun
    • Sutra
    • Sutta
    • technology
    • terrorism
    • The Dalai Lama
    • Theravada
    • Threefold Refuge
    • time
    • tradition
    • transience
    • translation
    • Triple Gem
    • True Happiness
    • True Love
    • trust
    • truth
    • truthfulness
    • twitter
    • Vegetarianism & Veganism
    • vengeance
    • victory
    • violence
    • virtues
    • vow
    • war
    • wealth
    • will
    • wisdom
    • writing
    • Zen
« Svaha! : Heart Sutra | Delusion : Inverted-Thinking »

Jealousy : Attachment & Aversion

By shian on 17 Dec 2008 under Odds & Ends | 2 Comments | Tags: anger, attachment, aversion, delusion, demon, existential crisis, feelings, jealousy

A toddler nephew is undergoing a strange phase of growing up. Barely a month ago, his baby sister was born. Suddenly, his behaviour became a little incomprehensibly moody and anger-prone… even to himself! He seemed to experience a form of existential anguish that he couldn’t articulate with his limited vocabulary. When asked ‘Are you alright?’, he would reply ‘Okay…’ in an unsure and listless manner. When asked, ‘What’s wrong?’, he says ‘I don’t know!’ – probably to his surprise as much as ours. In the further angst of being unable to express his angst, he bit himself on his arm. I was wondering if this is the time to teach him a ‘new’ word to help him name the elusive inner demon that could be haunting him… jealousy… due to the subtle beginnings of sibling rivalry?

He obviously relished in the arrival of his sister. In this sense, there is no real animosity. Yet, simultaneously, he probably felt displaced in terms of the shift of attention away from him. Come to think of it, jealousy is quite a complex emotion. One that is perhaps too paradoxical for young kids to grasp. In jealousy is the element of attachment, of wanting something, mixed with the element of aversion, of not wanting something else. It’s not just plain greed or hate, but an almost even balance of them. And of course, the duo arises from delusion. How do you explain this to a kid? ‘Welcome to Samsara (again)… welcome to a full experience of the three poisons! It’s okay… I think… Please take it easy! Don’t be too hard on yourself!’

Abhidharmically speaking, greed (tanha) always arises with hatred (lobha), while the couple always arises from delusion (moha). Without moha, there will be neither tanha or lobha. (Moha is the root of the three poisons.) In the case of jealousy, the play of tanha and lobha is more obviously intertwined, seemingly fluctuating more rapidly between themselves. I think it is this quality that makes kids confused as to what they are really experiencing. The truth is, most feelings, be they pleasant, unpleasant or neutral, are as the Buddha described, like effervescent bubbles – impermanent and insubstantial, easily formed, but also easily popped and replaced with new ones. Cling to fleeting feelings and you will suffer. Just watch to know and see their transient nature and one regains composure. I still don’t know how to tell that to the kid. Looks like the usual reasoning, bargaining and coaxing will have to do for now.



Comments

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 17th, 2008 at 12:19 and is filed under Odds & Ends. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.


2 Comments so far
    guat  guat on December 25, 2008 13:34

    people fear changes cos it entails the unknown ever more so for the kid. He just need the re-assurance of the love from parents that he solely rely on heavily at this phrase of his life still stand. when giving the attention to the unborn don’t 4get to thank the present one for his patience. when cuddling and kissing the new born don’t 4get to turn to the other one to give a hug n praise him 4 being such a wonderful and dependable brother he has become. Assure him with love to calm him down.

    shian  shian on December 25, 2008 17:06

    Yes they do that ^_^

Name

Email

Website

Do share your wisdom but please consider what you post, thank you!

*
To prove that you're not a bot, enter this code
Anti-Spam Image

(B) (^) (P) (@) (O) (D) (C) (&) (E) (~) (K) (I) (L) (8) (T) (G) (U) (W) (F) (N) (Y) :-[ :-S ;-( :-$ :-O :-( (H) :-) (*) :-D :-P ;-) :bloody: :cool: :choler: :love: :oups: :aie: :beurk: :canny: :go: :miam: :neo: :ueue: :nose: :oh: :oups2: :prud: :yo: :sadd: :bloody2: :cache: :rose: :spd: :dream: :sure: :yes: :sweat: :kiss: :creve: :what: :pff: :hm: :bobo: :aie2: :aie3: :ciao: :dribble: :gene: :pp 88) :loll: =(( :88 ;)) ::(( :oo: :[[ :)) :DD :-|| :-[)) :alien: :angel: :angry: :blink: :blush: :cheerful: :cry: :dizzy: :ermm: :face: :getlost: :biggrin: :happy: :kissing: :lol: :pinch: :sad: :shocked: :sick: :sideways: :silly: :sleeping: :smile: :tongue: :unsure: :w00t: :wassat: :whistle: :wink: :wub: :lovey: :pouty: :bandit: :sb: :ninja: :ninjaa: :devil: :666: :heart:

  • Features

    • About Us
    • Contact Us / Submit Article
    • Album : Borobudur
    • Album : Hong Kong
    • Album : Japan 1
    • Album : Japan 2
    • Album : Japan 3
    • How I Became Veg*n
    • Japan Tales
    • Movie Reviews With Buddhist Views
    • Zeph Stories
    • A Love History
    • Poll Archive
    • Moonpointer Wall
  • New Posts

    • Already a Reward
    • How to Handle Misrepresentations of Buddhism
    • Come & Go On Time
    • The Famous Funeral Poem
    • We As Wandering Spirits
    • Our Scramble Suits
    • Kasino Karma
    • Beastie Boys’ Bodhisattva Vow
    • A Scanner Clearly
    • Just Your Perception
    • Should We Shun Horror Flicks?
    • Love-Hate Relationship with Love & Hate
    • Immortal Attachment & Aversion?
    • Countless Imaginary Past Lives?
    • Wool Belongs to Sheep
  • Recent Comments

    NewsmanNewsman on How to Handle Misrepresentations of Buddhism
    HarmonyHarmony on How to Handle Misrepresentations of Buddhism
    shianshian on Cat : Neuter or Not?
    shianshian on We As Wandering Spirits
    shianshian on The Famous Funeral Poem
    DharmaProtectorDharmaProtector on How to Handle Misrepresentations of Buddhism
    OpenSourceMindOpenSourceMind on Cat : Neuter or Not?
    manman on We As Wandering Spirits
    EricaErica on Time to Clock Out of Samsara? (1)
    fanshufanshu on The Famous Funeral Poem
    shianshian on Are We In the Dharma-Ending Age?
    CharlesCharles on Are We In the Dharma-Ending Age?
    EricaErica on Album : Japan 1
    xiaoshengxiaosheng on Album : Japan 1
    zweiyazweiya on Album : Japan 1
  • Food For Life

    Headquarters for the world's largest vegetarian food relief organization, serving up to one million freshly cooked vegetarian meals to the needy every day around the world.

  • Tweet

    • We are suspending our comment function on our old blogs till further notice. Please be patient with us. Thank you.

    • Look out for our Pureland Blogsite ;)

    • Share your views via commenting or write to us via Contact Us/Submit Article

    • You can still visit old Moonpointer by clicking here

  • Categories

    • Announcements (26)
    • Books (42)
    • Comics & Graphic Novels (44)
    • Current Affairs (22)
    • Designs (9)
    • Environmentalism (26)
    • Movies/TV (125)
    • Music (40)
    • Notices (2)
    • Odds & Ends (312)
    • Photojournal (95)
    • Poll (6)
    • Quotations (34)
    • Relationships (20)
    • Travelogue (20)
    • Vegetarianism & Veganism (75)
  • New Archives

    • February 2010 (16)
    • January 2010 (56)
    • December 2009 (32)
    • November 2009 (56)
    • October 2009 (34)
    • September 2009 (55)
    • August 2009 (59)
    • July 2009 (55)
    • June 2009 (60)
    • May 2009 (29)
    • April 2009 (49)
    • March 2009 (59)
    • February 2009 (54)
    • January 2009 (53)
    • December 2008 (63)
    • November 2008 (18)
  • ADBooks

  • More Links






  • Veggie Posters

  • RSS Buddhist Vegan Fellowship

    • Introducing Kyabje Chatral Rinpoche
    • Not A Laughing Matter
    • 狄葆贤语录 Quote by Di Baoxian
    • 愿云禅师《护生歌》
    • 弘一大师语录 Quote by Master Hongyi
  • RSS TDE

    • 05.02.10 : What's Left To Do | What If the Joke's On You? | Please F
    • 27.01.10 : Changing Karmic Affinities | Daybreakers | What Basic Int
    • 21.01.10 : Mad Being Mad | How to Truly Live Long & Prosper | The In
    • 14.01.10 : Let's End Regrets | Why Veganism is Not an Extreme Way of
    • 16.12.09 : Save Hopenhagen | Purpose of Life | Walking the Physical
  • RSS Buddhist Channel

    • Buddhism is made of more than meditation, monks and monasteries
    • Indonesia asks Borobudur visitors to don a sarong
    • 4,000 Buddhists to Visit NK in March
    • Railways slashes fares of the Buddhist Circuit Train
    • Bodh Gaya displays Buddha's ashes
Avatars by Sterling Adventures




Creative Commons License