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2 Comments so far

  Gin on December 5, 2008 01:39

Just a humble reason why I’m never attached and my ideal of marriage. Please delete if appropriate.

Like any ordinary woman, I also hope for a marriage. Not eternal marriage though. I don’t even think there should be a promise of eterity in marriage. Marriage is just to “secure” me and “any children” at a particular time that this man is willing to give me the basic protection and the responsibility at that moment when love is there between us. We shall try working towards a (till death)relatiobship. Divorce is certainly not a shame. If good arrangements are made, the children may not suffer (I saw happy children with divorce parents)…depends on different situation though. Still, I do hope working to resolve problems and keep divorce as the last, would be better. Third party, no choice lor.

A sexist talk here. I read the Women protection Act. More are given to married women. Why women should keep themselves free from undesirable sex? Men can disclaim something, not to be theirs (with DNA, many excuses can be made), but women can never. It is internal fertilisation, plus, internal gestation. No matter what, the baby is there, she has to face a lot of problem psychological and physical. She can never say, no, the baby is not mine. Somehow I was at KK Women and Children Hopsital and it just came as a thought.

With such, I don’t expect anyone to carry my bag or anything. I don’t hope for eternality (because I might be the one forgoing the man. :P) I don’t even mind if men throw their used bags on me (if in good condition). I can take his old things. As a woman, I just hope if relationships get into something serious, a marriage to secure me and shows this man love for me to be willing to give me the basic protection I’m hoping for. I guess why most women (?) still hopes for marriage. :O)

When anyone sees women who are unmarried and no men or anything, not because we’re les. Something could be wrong with us because we don’t meet good men who give us good promise. Who cares? *shu qi* like the Ma Jie.

Sorry, personal views only.

  Sedna on December 5, 2008 04:39

1. Yes, there’s no eternal marriage, as even the best of marriages is separated by death… unless the couple is reborn together elsewhere. (The best place is Pure Land – where they can further the Dharma path while forgoing the samsaric path.) However, marriage when committed to is supposed to be a lifelong commitment – lest conditions change drastically beyond repair.

2. Marriage is not really for personal security. If so, being mothered by our parents or friends is security too. Becoming rich offer some security too. If there’s no marriage, there’s no children to ‘secure’. Marriage conventionally is a worldly partnership for companionship, which should ideally be less samsaric in time as both encourage each other to further spirituality.

3. It seems sexist to cling to the idea that marriage is to secure a ‘man… willing to give me the basic protection’. Less women marry for this nowadays as they can provide for themselves.

4. Maybe more protection rights are probably given to married women because the married life has room for more complications? Outside marriage, casual sex should be minimised, it practised at all – because it complicates life, with the potential of ‘accidentally’ becoming pregnant/ impregnating, with the potential of breaking hearts.

5. Marriage is not a 100% guarantee of happiness, just as non-marriage isn’t either. In Buddhism, True Happiness is unconditioned by anything worldly.

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