Guy: I think girls are evil. I know some guys are as well, but girls are more evil. What do you think?
Gal: I think we are generally equally ‘evil’.
Guy: You think so? Well, I still think girls are evil.
Gal: (thinking) Gosh, some gals must have really hurt him.
Hurting is inevitable when a relationship crumbles, one way or another, be one a guy or gal. Especially after an investment of time and feelings were poured into the relationship. This could also imply to friendship or kinship.
To avoid unwanted hurt, some choose to remain single. To avoid unwanted loneliness, others choose to stay together blindly. To avoid unwanted quarrels, some choose to separate. If we look carefully, it’s all our attachment, aversion and delusion at play… Let’s not forget our pride as well (though it’s a play of the trio).
If we can love selflessly, would we still be hurting? Without ego, one would be like a Bodhisattva or a Buddha, showering great love and compassion upon all beings – even if gestures of goodwill are not being reciprocated. If we are truly honest, most of the time, what hurts in broken relationships is often just our pride.
How fast you recuperate from a bad relationship, be it courtship, friendship or kinship could depend on how prideful you are.
How well you recover could depend on the size of your ego.
How easily you forgive would depend on how compassionate you are to both of you.
How truly you wish the one who broke your heart to be well and happy would depend on how much loving-kindness you have.
If there’s someone that you have not forgiven or let go yet, it’s time to… NOW.
May all be well and happy always!
I agree strongly with many points discussed in this post.
However, I also come to the realisation that because there is ego, hence there is the practical, if not urgent need to practise selfless love. Without the contrast put forward by the our egoistic behaviour, there would be no term or label called selfless love, and no need to exhort anyone to practise selfless love since ego doesn’t exist in any form for everyone in the first place.
Because no human being is born without a single ounce of ego in him or her, practising selfless love becomes a worthy goal to aspire to when one truly understands and believes wholeheartedly in its benefits, especially for those who has experienced some kind of suffering or perpetual dissatisfaction from any kind of human relationships.
True compassion means not just wishing the one who has hurt you to be just well and happy; but willing to stay in constant contact with him or her; to spend whatever time available to care for him or her; to trust even when he or she cannot be trusted. To chase after even when they run away. For some will be touched by your perseverance, sincerity and compassion.
However, there are many Buddhists who use the term or concept of ‘detachment’ or ‘going with the flow’ (sui yuan) to avoid further contact with the other person, to wait for the other person to come to you, since some of them have chosen to leave the relationship.
This is, in my opinion, misinterpreting the true meaning of going with the flow or detachment, but using that label or concept as a veil to disguise their reluctance; to avoid the deeper cultivation of greater compassion. That to me, is something regrettable. I say this of myself too.
I can empathise with the guy in the example. I wouldn’t say all girls are evil, but I would say so far the girls I have met aren’t good at nature. But if he could practise self-reflection and realise that he himself is not perfect too, he would realise that the only thing left to do is continue improving on his good personality traits and hope for the best in terms of meeting girls who are truly good at heart.