To avoid all evil,
To do all good,
And to purify the mind -
These are the teachings of all Buddhas.

- The Buddha (Dhammapada)

How readily you say ‘Sorry’
reflects how well you recognise evil.
Because you can see your inner ‘badness’,
you can see ‘badness’ expressed by you too.

How readily you say ‘Thanks’
reflects how well you recognise goodness.
Because you can see your inner goodness,
you can see goodness expressed by others too.

Though ‘Sorry’ is the opposite of ‘Thanks’,
‘Thanks’ arises from both humility and gratitude,
while ‘Sorry’ arises from humility -
both of which are essential for spirituality.

To apologise is to be ashamed of one’s ‘badness’.
It is the resolution to further avoid evil too.
To thank is to be grateful for others’ goodness.
It is the resolution to further perpetuate good too.

Thinking you are sorry is not enough.
Saying you are sorry might not be enough.
Showing you are sorry would be enough.

- Stonepeace

The Virtues of Being Humble and Sorry Enough

The compassionate feel “sorry” -
even for the unwise who do not feel sorry.

- Stonepeace

Ironically, one of the ways to gauge the spiritual greatness of an unenlightened person is not by how often one appears to be great, but by how readily one appears “not so great” – through frank admittance of their imperfections. In other words, the truly great are those who are truly humble. Those who assume themselves to be great are indeed “great” - in arrogance though. We should note that deciding whether someone is humble by appearance is unfair – because one can appear humble, while nursing great arrogance that one appears humble! One can never know how humble one truly is, until we undergo experiences that truly require the actual practice of humility. Such an opportunity would include having made a mistake, thereupon “needing” to offer an open personal apology – despite the fact that one could get away without giving one. If you are to observe carefully, you might be shocked by the number of people around you, who only appear courteously humble, who seldom readily apologise for their mistakes, who simply walk away from their mistakes with no expression of remorse.

What is wrong with not being humble? Much indeed. To be humble is to be the opposite of being egoistic. Egocentrism is the antithesis of the realisation and actualisation of the truth of non-self. It is the clinging to one’s unsubstantial and thus illusory “ego”. To practise humility is to “battle” against one’s “ego” - by letting it go. As long as one is not fully enlightened, there is the need to be humble, so as to learn - simply because we are truly not great enough and should not be proud. What’s more, if even the enlightened continually conduct themselves in a humble manner, much more should we. But what about personal dignity? Well, there’s no need to be proud to gain respect. And we can still stand up for the truth firmly without being haughty. It is hypocritical to be “over-humble” though, which becomes patronising. Those who over-apologise might be non-genuine. The direct opposite of being egoistic, it is the other extreme away from the Middle Path of humility. Yes, it is not extreme to be humble – because to be so is to function in sync with the truth that there is no “ego” to be proud about.

The truly humble are also highly sensitive in a good way - even for the most minor of mistakes to the tiniest of sentient beings. Even if one were to accidentally frighten an insect, one would naturally feel apologetic. Every misgiving is paid attention to. This is the quality of highly attuned compassion at play. Feeling apologetic, one would be determined to be more mindful of the welfare of others and their feelings, and to never repeat mistakes. Having mentioned much on the value of humility, it is hard to imagine the possibility of anyone being able to advance spiritually in compassion and wisdom, while being proud. Here is my challenge to you, to help you advance spiritually too… Make a list of people you know, whom you still owe an apology. Set resolutions and deadlines to sincerely apologise to every one of them. Dissolve any discovered grudges, and never assume there are no grudges. This is kindness to others and oneself, because it resolves the negative karmic affinities between. Remember – it’s never too late to humbly say sorry. To not realise this, is indeed something sorry.

When “Sorry” Seems to be the Hardest Word

As much as the one who harmed another needs to apologise,
the one who is harmed should not need an apology.

- Stonepeace

Standing in a bus on the way home, it was packed with school kids. When the bus jerked to stop, the boy in front took a step back, accidentally stomping on my foot. He half-turned his head to steal a glance at my reaction, in a somewhat guilty way. About to turn back his head, pretending nothing had happened, I said “Ouch!” – in a deliberate but hushed tone. He quickly uttered “Sorry.” I thanked him with a little appreciative nod.

I was pleasantly surprised by my response and his. From my side, there was no spite, and some humour instead. It wasn’t that painful actually! A few years ago I might have tapped his shoulder impatiently to demand an apology. It felt only right to let him be aware that even the smallest of his actions matter, be it accidentally or intentionally causing physical or mental distress to others. It’s also “good for his karma”, in urging him to ”make up” whatever he can before dismissing the incident as insignificant. A lesson out of the classroom for the kid! Do we not tend to trivialise others’ pain while we exaggerate ours? Of course I can’t really blame him – since it’s an “accident”. It’s my fault too for not being mindful enough to move out of his way. Just my personal karma rebounding back - to be received with acceptance, not anger. Likewise, all our unhappiness in life is not really caused by any person, but ourselves. Much of our unhappiness comes from not accepting we cause our unhappiness, while we further cause it with our negative attitude!

Too often do we hesitate to say “Sorry” and “Thanks”. Due to our thick pride, “Sorry” seems to be the harder word. It is only after you have tried your best to seek forgiveness from the one you are sorry to, can you truly forgive yourself. Otherwise, you are just letting yourself off the hook too easily! The greatness of one sometimes can be hinted by the littlest of things which he apologises for, in his unwilling inconveniencing of others - even to a child. Because this shows his great sensitivity and concern to the smallest of others’ feelings. How apologetic are you for your misgivings lately? Repentance can often be easily practised in everyday life. Simply apologise instantly to one whose toes you just stepped on! This sure beats confessing your carelessness before your shrine at the end of the day! So what if the other party does not accept your sincere apology? It just means he chose to let your mistake torment him more. That is his own mistake now! May he be well and happy!

The Significance of Buddhist Repentance

For all the evil deeds I have done in the past,
Created by my body, speech and mind,
From beginningless greed, hatred and delusion,
I now know shame and repent them all.

- Paraphrased Repentance Verse
(The Practices & Vows of Samantabhadra Bodhisattva, Avatamsaka Sutra Chapter 40)

The above is perhaps the simplest but most widely practised verse of repentance. The practice of Buddhist repentance is not so much the asking for divine forgiveness. It is the clear recognition of our unskilful actions done intentionally or unmindfully through our body, speech and mind, which are the results of our lack of compassion and wisdom, originating from our attachment, aversion and delusion. After recognising our misgivings, we make resolutions to be as mindful as we can, so as to never repeat them under any circumstances. In this sense, repentance is about forgiving oneself through expressing regret and turning over a new leaf, absolving oneself of unhealthy guilt while renewing determination to further avoid evil, do good and purify the mind with greater diligence.

Traditionally, the practice of repentance is done through chanting relevant sutra verses and bowing before a Buddha image, which represents the presence of the Buddha bearing witness to our sincerity. However, if one has done wrong to someone who is contactable, one should apologise to him or her personally, or the practice of repentance before the Buddha would be rendered a hollow practice lacking in sincerity. Even if the other party is unlikely to forgive us, we should do our part in seeking forgiveness - this is also the practice of humility. Actual remedial action of making up for any physical or psychological damage caused to others is also important – or repentance would literally be merely saying “sorry”.

Repentance should ideally be practised at the end of each day, as we try to recall best we can, any misgivings we have done in the day. For repentance to be more effective, misdeeds should be recalled as specifically as possible, instead of vaguely generalising. Doing this practice daily reduces our repetitive mistakes as it increases our mindfulness the next day. Repentance should also be practised immediately in the moment, without procrastination, when we realise we have just made a mistake. If one’s pride is too strong, one should still make a point to repent later, as soon as possible.

The stronger our sincerity is, the more powerful our repentance becomes. While repentance does not erases our negative karma, it can dissolve its future effects, much like the addition of abundant pure water onto salt, which dissolves the otherwise unbearable saltiness we have to taste. Interestingly, repentance practised well can become meritorious, as it prevents the creation of fresh negative karma which can lead to future suffering, while offering peace of mind to better learn, practise and share the Dharma, thus clearing much of the path to the attainment of Enlightenment.

‘A Serious Man’ is a seriously quirky yet enjoyable award-winning black comedy that centres on the nature of faith in a man’s life, which became chaotic in multiple ways for no apparent cause on his part – despite trying his best to be a ’serious man’. Here is some of its dialogue and comments on them. [You can click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mensch to know what it means to be a 'serious man' (mensch).]

Demon or Not?

Dybbuk?: I shaved hastily this morning and missed a bit-by you this makes me a dybbuk? It’s true, I was sick with typhus when I stayed with Peselle, but I recovered, as you can plainly see, and now I-hugh! [She stabs him in the chest with an ice pick] What a wife you have!
Shtetl Husband: Woman, what have you done?
Dybbuk?: Why would she do such a thing? I ask you, Velvel, as a rational man: which of us is possessed?
Shtetl Wife: What do you say now about spirits? He is unharmed!
Dybbuk?: On the contrary! I don’t feel at all well. [Blood begins to seep from his chest] One does a mitzvah and this is the thanks one gets?
Shtetl Husband: Dora! Woe, woe! How can such a thing be!
Dybbuk?: Perhaps I will have some soup. I am feeling weak. Or perhaps I should go. One knows when one isn’t wanted. [Walks out]
Shtetl Husband: Dear wife. We are ruined. Tomorrow they will discover the body. All is lost.
Shtetl Wife: Nonsense, Velvel. Blessed is the Lord. Good riddance to evil.

Comments: This is from a standalone short film at the beginning of the film set in the olden days. A dybukk is supposed to be a demon who possesses the dead. The husband believes the old man is not one, as he had helped him that night, while the wife believes he is one, because who he identifies himself to be is ’supposed’ to have died before finishing a shave. With the bleeding and his departure, the husband believes he’s really human, while the wife continues believing he’s a dybukk. The audience is deliberately left wondering if the old man who was stabbed is really a dybukk or not – and is forced to take a side. But then again, one can suspend belief too. Were the directors hinting at the arbitrariness yet potential deadly danger of what one believes in? What do you really believe in? Is it rational? Or must what we need to believe in be beyond rationality, which is why faith is needed? Or is there rational faith? Is true good riddance of evil not in uncovering the good truth instead of clinging to blind faith?

Are Parking Lots Amazing or Not?

Rabbi Scott: But maybe – can I share something with you? Because I too have had the feeling of losing track of Hashem, which is the problem here. I too have forgotten how to see Him in the world. And when that happens you think, well, if I can’t see Him, He isn’t there any more, He’s gone. But that’s not the case. You just need to remember how to see Him. Am I right? [He rises and goes to the window] I mean, the parking lot here. Not much to see. It is a different angle on the same parking lot we saw from the Hebrew school window. But if you imagine yourself a visitor, somebody who isn’t familiar with these… autos and such… somebody still with a capacity for wonder… Someone with a fresh… perspective. That’s what it is, Larry.
Larry Gopnik: Um…
Rabbi Scott: Because with the right perspective you can see Hashem, you know, reaching into the world. He is in the world, not just in shul. It sounds to me like you’re looking at the world, looking at your wife, through tired eyes. It sounds like she’s become a sort of… thing… a problem… a thing…
Larry Gopnik: Well, she’s, she’s seeing Sy Ableman.
Rabbi Scott: Oh.
Larry Gopnik: She’s, they’re planning, that’s why they want the Gett [ritual divorce].
Rabbi Scott: Oh. I’m sorry.
Larry Gopnik: It was his idea.
Rabbi Scott: Well, they do need a Gett to remarry in the faith. But this is life. For you too. You can’t cut yourself off from the mystical or you’ll be – you’ll remain – completely lost. You have to see these things as expressions of God’s will. You don’t have to like it, of course.
Larry Gopnik: The boss isn’t always right, but he’s always the boss.
Rabbi Scott: Ha-ha-ha! That’s right, things aren’t so bad. Look at the parking lot, Larry. [He gazes out, marveling] Just look at that parking lot.

Comments: If we imagine ourselves to be visitors with fresh perspectives, will we be more amazed by the number of parking lots or the amount of human suffering that seems to go ‘unchecked’? If what we believe in is not seen or felt, could it also not mean the absence of the believed? When do we see something unfortunate as an expression of divine will that we cannot counter instead of something that we should challenge and counter with our will? Is the best advice in times of hapless distress always acceptance? But even true acceptance requires personal will; not any divine will.

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From ‘This is a Bad Time’ by Bruce Eric Kaplan:

But why do we choose to be attached to the idea
that we are really our poor ’selves’,
since we do change and can change at will?

What’s terrifying about negative karma
is its compounding effects if left unchecked!

But enlightenment is also the end of all disappointment,
and the realisation of true contentment and peace of mind!

You have to truly face yourself,
to take a good look at yourself,
so that you can change yourself.

- Stonepeace

From ‘The Color of Earth’ by Kim Dong Hwa, a young monk poignantly thinks to himself when he realises he has a crush on a girl.

Night after night,
I embrace Buddha and sleep.
Morning after morning,
I embrace Buddha and wake…
Hour
by minute
by second
I always believed I’d spend
every moment with Buddha, but…
Why does Ehwa appear bigger than Buddha?

If I can’t even help myself,
how am I possibly going to save other people?

If we are truly always mindful of Buddha(s) and thus Buddhahood,
how can we ever lose this mindfulness,
and be attached to wanting to be with someone else instead?

If we are truly always mindful of Buddha(s) and thus Buddhahood,
how quickly it must be that we will be with and become Buddha(s),
and be mindful of how to save others instead.

Master: Tsk tsk tsk… How will you be able to help the masses looking like that? Your face is littered with a million worldly desires.
Disciple: But this one thing seems more precious than hundreds of blessings…
Master: And when you look, be sure to look carefully with both eyes. You’re always looking at things with your eyes half closed and that’s why, long after you’ve seen something, you continue to dwell on it. Put strength in your eyes and look, then you will see the world as it should be seen. But then again, even if you close your eyes to longing, it won’t disappear, and even if you turn your head away, longing will not cease.’

So long as we hang on to one thing or person out of worldly attachment, believing it to be more precious than everything else, we will not be free of Samsara – while Bodhicitta, the aspiration to help the masses, will lead us to true and total freedom. To have Bodhicitta is to have the one truest blessing that is more precious than all others.

If we observe mindfully, we will realise insight into the nature of people, issues and things as they really are. If we do not observe mindfully, attachment and/or aversion will arise. But how do we realise insight into our craving, if observation of the beloved seems to lead to more attachment? The answer lies in observing the nature of the craving itself – which will lead to insight of its impermanence, suffering and non-self. (Both the young monk and Ehwa come to realise that attachment to the beloved in painful. Especially for Ehwa in the sequel ‘The Colour of Water’, it surprised her that love, that is supposed to be pleasant, could feel so painful.)

As it is without attachment,
True Love is without any sense of loss,
even in the absence of the beloved.
Even when there is great sacrifice,
there is only gladness.

- Stonepeace

Related Article:
Why Bad Monks are Good… on Film
http://moonpointer.com/new/2009/07/why-bad-monks-are-good-on-film

Some wordplay below on a string of words
that stand for what might arise sequentially
while one practises mindfulness of Buddha:

…念佛念佛念佛念杂念杂念杂念佛念佛念佛念佛念佛…

念佛: Mindfulness of Buddha
念杂: Mindfulness of stray thoughts
杂念: Stray mindfulness
佛念: Buddha mindfulness

A Tit for a Tat (110)

Tit: I forgot to remind you something.
Tat: About what? Maybe I can help refresh your memory?
Tit: I forgot what it’s about entirely!
Tat: But you didn’t forget you were supposed to remember it!

Remember to forget what you should;
Don’t forget to remember what you should.

- Stonepeace

Previous aT4aT: http://moonpointer.com/new/2010/03/unchanging-love

I used to be quite a severely unforgiving person. (Fortunately, things have improved greatly since.) The slightest bit of evil that I see others do I would condemn so greatly that I would slap a label of ‘evil-doer’ on the person for life. I would shun this person for indefinite time till that person redeems oneself in some sufficient way. Even though it is ‘natural’ to imagine the person who offends to deserve suffering, I realised that the one who suffers the most in the moment is myself – for bearing a grudge. This is really uncompassionate both ways because the alienation does not help to better either person at all. Now, don’t you beat yourself up for being unforgiving. You need to forgive yourself for being unforgiving to others too! Below is an article on forgiveness that I wrote for TheDailyEnlightenment.com six years ago on a similar vein of thought…

Bodhisattvas are thoroughly respectable
because they never lose the least respect for others [as all have Buddha-nature],
while helping the so-called ‘less respectable’
become thoroughly respectable with the Dharma.

- Stonepeace

The Bodhisattva Who ‘Cried’ Truth

Once upon a very ancient time, there was a Bodhisattva called “Never Despise”, because whenever he sees someone, no matter bad they might seem, he respectfully says, “I do not despise you, for you will become a Buddha.” Despite their apparent faults, he practised seeing their pure Buddha-nature, the potential to be Buddhas, (or the hidden potentials within them which are not different from other Buddhas’, full of perfect compassion and wisdom). Those who did not understand got angry, throwing sticks and stones at him. Never Despise would humbly retreat some distance, before calling back to them, reaffirming that it is indeed true that they would become Buddhas.

With this core practice of deep reverence of the Buddha-nature in others, it led him to perfect the six perfections of generosity, morality, patience, energy, concentration and wisdom. He subsequently attained Buddhahood, guiding countless others to do the same. As revealed in the Lotus Sutra, this Bodhisattva was none other than Shakyamuni himself in a previous life. He became the Buddha by virtue of awareness of his Buddha-nature, and by cultivating this awareness in others. The Bodhisattva was seen by some as the proverbial “boy who cried wolf” when he was only telling the truth. How ironic is it that the Buddhas see “themselves” in us while we belittle ourselves. Our innate Buddha-nature is like the most beautiful unseen “image” trapped in the block of marble. To set it free, all we have to do is to chisel away the unneeded parts – our defilements of greed, hatred and delusion.

When we cease to have faith in each other or ourselves, we cease walking the Bodhisattva path of helping each other become Buddhas. When we think a person who always turns a deaf ear to our Dharma advice is hopeless, we are disbelieving the Buddha’s teaching that we all have perfect Buddha-nature. Our primary mission is not to instantly “save” all beings with the Dharma - but to try our best in each instant, despite all odds, as Bodhisattva Never Despise did… for as long as obstinate beings are not yet touched by our sincerity and the Dharma. How do we make the world a better place if we do not believe we can all be better persons? Our imperfect human nature is temporary; but our perfect Buddha-nature is timeless. May we “Never Despise” ourselves, as we gain confidence in our Buddha-nature through spiritual practice. May we “Never Despise” one another, as we gain confidence in one another’s Buddha-nature. If we lose heart in Buddha-nature, we lose our most immediate refuge! Never give up!

A Tit for a Tat (109)

Tit: What is True Love?
Tat: That which does not become hate.
Tit: Huh?
Tat: Love that is not true enough easily becomes hate.
Tit: How can love become hate?
Tat: Because it is based on attachment, when it is unrequited, it can become aversion!
Tit: What about True Love?
Tat: It remains unchanged even when it is unrequited or when the beloved is lost!

Next aT4aT: http://moonpointer.com/new/2010/03/forgot-what-to-remember
Previous aT4aT: http://moonpointer.com/new/2010/03/who-is-the-real-one

Where there is attachment, it can become aversion.
Where there is no attachment, it cannot become aversion.

- Stonepeace

A Tit for a Tat (108)

Tit: I don’t understand her.
Tat: Why?
Tit: Sometimes, she is difficult.
Tat: So?
Tit: Sometimes, she is easy-going.
Tat: So?
Tit: So, who is she really?
Tat: Both yet neither! She is always changing. She is change itself!
Tit: But which is the real ‘her’?
Tat: Must there be one ‘her’?
Tit: Why not?
Tat: If there is only one ‘her’, who never changes, how can ’she’ become better?

Next aT4aT: http://moonpointer.com/new/2010/03/unchanging-love
Previous aT4aT: http://moonpointer.com/new/2010/03/same-same-but-different-bowls

The last cosmic scene of ‘Men in Black’ (which is the only part that stuck to me) reminds me of a part of the Vimalakirti Nirdesa Sutra – especially the parts in blue below. Prepare for a mind-blowing experience as you try to imagine this part of the sutra.

The Licchavi Vimalakirti replied, “Reverend Sariputra, for the Tathagatas and the bodhisattvas, there is a liberation called ‘Inconceivable.’ The bodhisattva who lives in the inconceivable liberation can put the king of mountains, Sumeru, which is so high, so great, so noble, and so vast, into a mustard seed. He can perform this feat without enlarging the mustard seed and without shrinking Mount Sumeru. And the deities of the assembly of the four Maharajas and of the Trayastrimsa heavens do not even know where they are.

Only those beings who are destined to be disciplined by miracles see and understand the putting of the king of mountains, Sumeru, into the mustard seed. That, reverend Sariputra, is an entrance to the domain of the inconceivable liberation of the bodhisattvas.

“Furthermore, reverend Sariputra, the bodhisattva who lives in the inconceivable liberation can pour into a single pore of his skin all the waters of the four great oceans, without injuring the water-animals such as fish, tortoises, crocodiles, frogs, and other creatures, and without the nagas, yaksas, gandharvas, and asuras even being aware of where they are. And the whole operation is visible without any injury or disturbance to any of those living beings.

“Such a bodhisattva can pick up with his right hand this billion-world-galactic universe as if it were a potter’s wheel and, spinning it round, throw it beyond universes as numerous as the sands of the Ganges, without the living beings therein knowing their motion or its origin, and he can catch it and put it back in its place, without the living beings suspecting their coming and going; and yet the whole operation is visible...

“Reverend Sariputra, I have shown you only a small part of the entrance into the domain of the bodhisattva who lives in the inconceivable liberation. Reverend Sariputra, to explain to you the teaching of the full entrance into the domain of the bodhisattva who lives in the inconceivable liberation would require more than an aeon, and even more than that.”

From http://www2.kenyon.edu/Depts/Religion/Fac/Adler/Reln260/Vimalakirti.htm