During a Dharma discussion at Awareness Place (after screening of ‘The Woodsman’), a participant remarked about how difficult is was for her to express the same compassion for those she comes across in a class. She was struggling to practise equanimity for all. I answered that having equal compassion does not equate to treating all in the ‘exact same way’ – which was what she tried. In actualising skilful means to benefit various beings, it’s crucial to remember – ‘Different strokes for different folks’ – because individuals have different needs. Rain that falls is absorbed differently by different plants. Enough rain for a plant might be excess for another.
She rebutted that that seems counter the Buddhist ideal of having equal love for all. My reply was that we can still have similar compassion to two or more parties, but manifest it in different ways, as best suited for their capacities. Even appearing to be wrathful (to say, a seriously unruly student) to deter the committing of strong negative karma can be the kindest thing possible under the appropriate circumstances. Conversely, appearing only either patient or wrathful to all beings will not work equally effectively in all cases.
Her last question was – If there is more (unequal) effort in helping one versus another (based on the above situations), wouldn’t compassion thin out for the latter? Well, in the nurturing of the Four Sublime States of Mind (loving-kindness, compassion, appreciative joy and equanimity – aspects of True Love in Buddhism), they are to be developed to become Immeasurables in good time, which pervade all directions for benefitting all beings. Even if our love seems limited at first, the good news is that it can become truly boundless. It should not be imagined to be a tiny wad of jam that thins out while spreading itself; its volume can become infinite without loss of pure and equanimous quality. We know these states can be attained eventually because the universally compassionate Buddhas exemplify them perfectly.