I used to be quite a severely unforgiving person. (Fortunately, things have improved greatly since.) The slightest bit of evil that I see others do I would condemn so greatly that I would slap a label of ‘evil-doer’ on the person for life. I would shun this person for indefinite time till that person redeems oneself in some sufficient way. Even though it is ‘natural’ to imagine the person who offends to deserve suffering, I realised that the one who suffers the most in the moment is myself – for bearing a grudge. This is really uncompassionate both ways because the alienation does not help to better either person at all. Now, don’t you beat yourself up for being unforgiving. You need to forgive yourself for being unforgiving to others too! Below is an article on forgiveness that I wrote for TheDailyEnlightenment.com six years ago on a similar vein of thought…
Bodhisattvas are thoroughly respectable
because they never lose the least respect for others [as all have Buddha-nature],
while helping the so-called ‘less respectable’
become thoroughly respectable with the Dharma.– Stonepeace
The Bodhisattva Who ‘Cried’ Truth
Once upon a very ancient time, there was a Bodhisattva called “Never Despise”, because whenever he sees someone, no matter bad they might seem, he respectfully says, “I do not despise you, for you will become a Buddha.” Despite their apparent faults, he practised seeing their pure Buddha-nature, the potential to be Buddhas, (or the hidden potentials within them which are not different from other Buddhas’, full of perfect compassion and wisdom). Those who did not understand got angry, throwing sticks and stones at him. Never Despise would humbly retreat some distance, before calling back to them, reaffirming that it is indeed true that they would become Buddhas.
With this core practice of deep reverence of the Buddha-nature in others, it led him to perfect the six perfections of generosity, morality, patience, energy, concentration and wisdom. He subsequently attained Buddhahood, guiding countless others to do the same. As revealed in the Lotus Sutra, this Bodhisattva was none other than Shakyamuni himself in a previous life. He became the Buddha by virtue of awareness of his Buddha-nature, and by cultivating this awareness in others. The Bodhisattva was seen by some as the proverbial “boy who cried wolf” when he was only telling the truth. How ironic is it that the Buddhas see “themselves” in us while we belittle ourselves. Our innate Buddha-nature is like the most beautiful unseen “image” trapped in the block of marble. To set it free, all we have to do is to chisel away the unneeded parts – our defilements of greed, hatred and delusion.
When we cease to have faith in each other or ourselves, we cease walking the Bodhisattva path of helping each other become Buddhas. When we think a person who always turns a deaf ear to our Dharma advice is hopeless, we are disbelieving the Buddha’s teaching that we all have perfect Buddha-nature. Our primary mission is not to instantly “save” all beings with the Dharma – but to try our best in each instant, despite all odds, as Bodhisattva Never Despise did… for as long as obstinate beings are not yet touched by our sincerity and the Dharma. How do we make the world a better place if we do not believe we can all be better persons? Our imperfect human nature is temporary; but our perfect Buddha-nature is timeless. May we “Never Despise” ourselves, as we gain confidence in our Buddha-nature through spiritual practice. May we “Never Despise” one another, as we gain confidence in one another’s Buddha-nature. If we lose heart in Buddha-nature, we lose our most immediate refuge! Never give up!
When I first read the chapter about ‘Never-despise Bodhisattva’ in the Lotus Sutra, I felt very warmed from inside me. That someone like that existed among us aeons ago. I still feel the same way now when I read the chapter again.
I have come across fellow Buddhists who ignore me or behave indifferently towards me when they perceive me to be ignoring their advice. I still come across them now.
So there are two main paths for me to take: to follow them in their ways or to choose to develop patience based on what the Buddha taught about compassion for all living beings.
It is a constant struggle for me and yet this struggle allows me to develop some kind of empathy, some kind of compassion for those who had or are still going through similar things.
It is hard to ask a child to believe that a human being can grow inside another human being until she becomes an expectant mother herself. Even if the child believes entirely, that belief is still far from direct and personal experience.
When we say we believe in the Buddha’s words about perfect Buddha nature, it’s a kind of unexperienced truth on our part.
Although many Buddhists argue that all will eventually become Buddhas, the time-span for that eventuality is too long for any human being who do not yet have strong karmic affinities with the Dharma or do not yet have ripened merits to reasonably feel or believe it from within the deep recesses of their hearts or minds.
Putting belief in Buddha nature aside or about Dharma teachings, there are many things which I have lost heart in. However, somehow, certain things happen, and I regain some spark of hope and confidence in myself again.
Buddhism teaches about impermanence. So even losing heart in something as important as Buddha nature can also be temporary when you view it from the point of timeless Buddha nature.
When you give up in practising the Dharma, or give up in helping others and yourself to become Buddhas, etc., it doesn’t necessarily mean in the absolute sense you are giving it up forever. This applies to those Buddhists who have converted to Christianity too.
If Buddha nature is timeless, then it occurs to me that there is no issue of who becomes a Buddha earlier or later; or who gains insight into their Buddha nature earlier or later.
So when scriptures talk about attaining Buddhahood in the shortest time possible or attaining liberation from future rebirths in the shortest time possible, when do they exactly mean?
Here’s a quote from Lao Tzu’s teachings of Tao (The Way):
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.”
Why not explain to those who misunderstand that you did not ignore their advice? Why not be Never-Despise Bodhisattva to them?
We can catch glimpses of our Buddha-nature with good Dharma practice. The path to Buddhahood via Pure Land is not long. It matters that Buddha-nature is realised swiftly as one will be able to help more. Na Mo A Mi Tuo Fo
If they had either the wisdom or compassion to understand, they would not have misunderstood in the first place. If I had either the wisdom or compassion to explain, they too would not have misunderstood.
Just like I cannot expect them to become Never-Despise Bodhisattva to me, I too cannot expect myself to be that Bodhisattva to them.
When you have no compassion and others do not yet have compassion for you, only you can show yourself compassion.
Remember that the Buddha allowed a group of more than a hundred disciples to leave before he started expounding the Lotus Sutra in full?
With the Buddha’s wisdom and compassion, he too allowed this to happen. He could have persuaded them with his unsurpassed gift of the gab.
How much more can I, an totally unenlightened being do?
But I thank you for your encouragement. =)
With the Buddha’s wisdom and compassion, he too allowed this to happen. When the student is ready the teacher
will appear…