I seem to be having a strange problem. But really, this problem has been there all along, only aggravated by the expansion in my jobscope, which made me busier. What is this problem? Because I do Dharma work, I’m particular about not spending work hours dwelling on even the littlest of non-work matters. Since I started my vocation in 1997, I had always been a largely silent worker, making little small talk or private chats with visitors and even colleagues, because, at the back of my mind is always this thought… My work is funded by donors of the ten directions, which is why I have to do my best to share the Dharma with beings of the ten directions (on and offline), and not spend work-time doing non-Dharma stuff instead. As time goes by, colleagues increasingly leave me out of chit-chat. The impression might be that I’m an anti-social loner better left alone? But I’m really just a misunderstood workaholic. 🙁
Recently, a colleague attended a Dharma discussion I was presenting at Awareness Place. (Yes, this is part of my work.) At the end of it, she exclaimed surprise that I was ‘so passionate’ in teaching, that it contrasts a lot with my persona in our office where I do research and writing. I think this sums up the irony – Strangers whom I have never met before (at Dharma sessions) know me and my passion more than colleagues whom I meet much more often. I’m more expressively interactive with the first than the latter. Hell, I even crack jokes and guffaw away with the audience. Another Dharma friend also expressed shock at my contrasting personas, saying I usually seem mild-mannered, but become ‘dragon-like’ when sharing the Dharma. (I figure that’s a compliment?)
I used to wonder which is the real me but have since decided that neither are, because there is no one ‘me’ anyway. Still, with strangers, I’m indeed much more comfortable with ‘Dharma talk’ than small talk. But I do see this as a serious problem – because if I’m truly skilful, I should be able to use small talk in any situation to lead up with ease to ‘Dharma talk’. The problem arose from having overly segregated small talk from ‘Dharma talk’. To fare better at Bodhisattva practice, I ought to more diligently connect with others beyond Dharma discussions (on and offline). It’ll be a struggle, I know, due to habitual forces. I remember a secondary school yearbook labelling me ‘a man of few words’. Am I really one? Just look at the number of words in this blog! And wait till you see me sharing Dharma live. :-]
crystalbymail, the Kalama Sutta offers a very good set of guidelines on the right attitude in learning, understanding or reflecting upon any kind of Buddhist teaching or concept. I personally it is very helpful for new and regular Buddhists.
Here’s a link from wiki: Kalama Sutta
Thank you, jilexin. I will read them : ) Guess, it will also benefit others too.
I started to get to know about Buddhism in 1993 when I accompany and my mother to KMSPKS for her weekly Pureland chanting from 93 to 94. No formal learning at all. For 8 years or so, I didn’t touch any Dharma stuff. It is Vegetarianism that brings me back to Buddhism lately …
For me, I would think, real life experiences (good, bad, big and small lessons in life), those are the valuable things that can help me in understanding some of the Buddha Dharma. Some of the things that I can understand are not that I am smart, it is because I can related them back to experiences …
There is a dilemma in me that I want to do the right way (if it goes haywired, it is not only me but those I contact in directly and indirectly will be affected too) and what is the correct way? The thing is that not I don’t want to learn, but it has to make sense, I always wish that there is someone that I can learn from, but my experiences force me to learn it on my own. I have the same concern as yours too, I guess, I need to give it some serious thinking …
I would think compassion is not very difficult to cultivate, currently it is difficult because we lack that environment in this society. Just like, for a kid, if we teach and train them compassionate, just like brushing teeth, basic manner, then it will become naturally and grow.
Now, what we need is lots of correct thinkings in vary forms, to help us see the picture. Once, we see the logics and reason out, accept it and we are getting near to compassion. I don’t think I am a good person to talk much about Buddha Dharma, you may even know much more than I do …
“For me, I would think, real life experiences (good, bad, big and small lessons in life), those are the valuable things that can help me in understanding some of the Buddha Dharma. Some of the things that I can understand are not that I am smart, it is because I can related them back to experiences …”
It’s the same for me. I’m not smart too. I have been learning and understanding dharma through personal experiences.
“I don’t think I am a good person to talk much about Buddha Dharma, you may even know much more than I do …”
I consider myself a newbie until I have attained Buddhahood. This will help me to stay humble and be more compassionate and patient to look at things from the point of newbies or any one else struggling to understand and practise the dharma.
Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings with fellow Buddhists. We are all here to learn from one another. 🙂
Same here, need to be humble (am trying and trying) – EGO will kill 🙂