In the movie ‘Fling’, the subject of open relationships is explored. According to Wikipedia, ‘An open relationship is a relationship in which the participants are free to have emotional, spiritual and/or physical relationships with other partners, often within mutually agreed limits. If a couple in an open relationship are married, it can be called an open marriage.’ I think emotional and spiritual support between any two parties is fine (e.g. between good friends, guru and student), though ideally, life partners should be the ones who can offer the best support to each other. However, true blue open relationships are open to partners having sex with others too.
The truth is, an ‘open relationship’ is an oxymoron, because a relationship means commitment, while being ‘open’ here means being fickle. I’m always surprised when two ‘semi-commit’ (another oxymoron) to each other despite the duo knowing their commitment is not wholehearted, while looking for the ‘next better player’. The Chinese expression for this is ‘riding a donkey while looking for a horse.’ I think they need to check the dictionary for what ‘commitment’ means. If they can’t commit yet, they shouldn’t – or there will be pain and disappointment later. I’m also amazed at how married people have affairs when they should first graciously ‘un-commit’ themselves from their present partners before openly committing to someone else. Why secretly betray one if one is serious about another? The usual answer is it’s due to cowardice and/or greed – to want ‘the best of both worlds’.
Am not suggesting ‘easy come and easy go’ forms of commitment, because serious commitment is essential for all kinds of relationships to be fruitful – be it kinship, friendship or partnership (in love and even in business). Only the thoroughly enlightened can commit to the welfare of all beings without any selfish agenda – especially not for sex! (It’s interesting to note that many deviant spiritual leaders demand sex from their ‘best devotees.’) The rest should commit to individuals with mindful sincerity. While one might think an open relationship is about being open to freedom, it is a ‘growing trap’; instead, a time-bomb ticking away. Open relationships are open to disaster. And the problem with ‘sex’ is that it is an easy way to develop both physical and emotional attachment, and with that, all kinds of problems can spring forth.
The film gives a good depiction of almost all the things that can go wrong – of how open relationships can jeopardise the main relationship one is in, along with related friendships. When one who has open relationships wish to settle, one might find it very hard to do so – because one is not taken seriously by others. By a stroke of movie karmic retribution, the male lead finally wanted to commit to someone he had a fling with, only to realise the girl was just having a fling with him – in the same open way he does with others. The one who keeps flinging gets flung eventually. The one who thought he will never be attached became attached. The one who breaks hearts, who thought he will never be heartbroken has his heart broken.
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From what I know… some stay together yet are unable to commit out of fear of being alone. Probably due to lack of security too?
A relationship should not be complicated, though we often hear otherwise. Complications could mean uncertainty, and if there’s no certainty, why even think of committing? Even an open relationship needs a certain degree of so-called commitment.