Which is the Real You?

When I visit some relatives semi regularly, I’m unfortunately not much of a conversation-maker in terms of small talk. I usually sit around and watch the tube in almost total silence, while the others chatter on. When a relative attended one of my Dharma classes recently, she was shocked at how different and alive I became. Sometimes, I even feel like a stand-up comedian cracking Dharma jokes that send the class guffawing away.

It’s ironical how being too close to someone can create a stubborn image (perception) that is hard to shake off. (I still have difficulties persuading other relatives to join my classes.) There are just so many sides to each person – that are seldom seen if regular encounters are of the same nature, thus hiding the unrevealed dimensions. This further affirms my belief that it is near impossible to judge anyone through a few encounters; and in my case, not even if these encounters are regular!

And here comes the next tricky part. Now that the above relative has seen two contrasting dimensions of my character, how does she decide which one is more real? I don’t even know myself – though most of us would cling to the ‘better side’ of ourselves to be more genuine due to our personal preference. There is simply no fixed side that manifests itself constantly (unless we become enlightened). Will she continue ‘demonising’ me as a boring person, ‘idealise’ me as an enthusiastic teacher, or somehow reconcile both? Doesn’t matter… as long as she keeps coming to future classes!