From Adrian Tomine’s ‘Scenes from an Impending Marriage’ is this dialogue:
Guy: (About whether to invite someone just because one was once invited) Come on! We’ve gotta break this cycle of endless obligation and reciprocity!
Gal: I know you find this hard to believe, but a lot of people actually enjoy going to weddings… You need to stop approaching this like you’re doing people a favor by not inviting them.
Guy: Okay, but I also think you should’t use this as an opportunity to make amends or re-connect with everyone you’ve ever known.
Should we use weddings as a ritual to reconcile?
What if those who feel obliged to come feel tormented instead?
Should we use weddings as a ritual to divide?
What if those who feel they should be invited feel indignation?
Weddings are a worldly koan I think!
Not easy to keep really simple.
Not easy to make complex too.
Tit: Why wasn’t I invited to their wedding?
Tat: But I thought you hate attending weddings?
Tit: I just don’t like to feel obliged to attend.
Tat: But others are obliged to invite?
Yes, humans with their conflicted likes and dislikes can be hard to please!