Adventures : Zeph Tales (6)

Continued from

My Freedom from Me

1383807_city_at_night-1Zeph rethought his thoughts earlier – ‘The sun had set. Have I died? Some time ago, some part of me must have died. The Zephs of 3:45pm and 7:15pm are different. When will I really die?’ That night, he had a nightmare. In it, he lost his identity card. No one he knew seemed to remember who he was. He had obviously changed beyond recognition. He was bashing the door of his home, yelling to be let in – after standing for hours on Orchard Road. Arrested and interrogated at the police station, he had to prove he was who he thought he was… but he couldn’t. For some reason, even his fingerprints have changed. When he snapped out of the dream, he scribbled these words in his journal…

I know ‘I’ change.
I know ‘I’ have changed.
If ‘I’ change, who am ‘I’ now?

How do I prove to me that I am who I am?
What makes me ‘me’?
What is unique about me?

If there is nothing special in ‘me’,
why do I still cling to ‘me’?
Why do I still search for myself?

Is it my ultimate quest,
or my ultimately futile quest?
Or is the ultimate quest to realise this is the futile quest?

If I can’t find ‘me’,
maybe I should let go of ‘me’,
to let the illusion of ‘me’ die.

How will ‘I’ be reborn if ‘I’ die?
If the illusion of ‘I’ dies, will ‘I’ be reborn?
Will it be freedom?

Because ‘I’ change,
‘I’ can change to be wiser,
‘I’ can become free of ‘I’.

‘I’ will do what ‘I’ can,
till ‘I’ realise ‘I’ can’t.
Maybe that’s when ‘I’ will be free of ‘me’.

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