I seem to be having a strange problem. But really, this problem has been there all along, only aggravated by the expansion in my jobscope, which made me busier. What is this problem? Because I do Dharma work, I’m particular about not spending work hours dwelling on even the littlest of non-work matters. Since I started my vocation in 1997, I had always been a largely silent worker, making little small talk or private chats with visitors and even colleagues, because, at the back of my mind is always this thought… My work is funded by donors of the ten directions, which is why I have to do my best to share the Dharma with beings of the ten directions (on and offline), and not spend work-time doing non-Dharma stuff instead. As time goes by, colleagues increasingly leave me out of chit-chat. The impression might be that I’m an anti-social loner better left alone? But I’m really just a misunderstood workaholic. 🙁
Recently, a colleague attended a Dharma discussion I was presenting at Awareness Place. (Yes, this is part of my work.) At the end of it, she exclaimed surprise that I was ‘so passionate’ in teaching, that it contrasts a lot with my persona in our office where I do research and writing. I think this sums up the irony – Strangers whom I have never met before (at Dharma sessions) know me and my passion more than colleagues whom I meet much more often. I’m more expressively interactive with the first than the latter. Hell, I even crack jokes and guffaw away with the audience. Another Dharma friend also expressed shock at my contrasting personas, saying I usually seem mild-mannered, but become ‘dragon-like’ when sharing the Dharma. (I figure that’s a compliment?)
I used to wonder which is the real me but have since decided that neither are, because there is no one ‘me’ anyway. Still, with strangers, I’m indeed much more comfortable with ‘Dharma talk’ than small talk. But I do see this as a serious problem – because if I’m truly skilful, I should be able to use small talk in any situation to lead up with ease to ‘Dharma talk’. The problem arose from having overly segregated small talk from ‘Dharma talk’. To fare better at Bodhisattva practice, I ought to more diligently connect with others beyond Dharma discussions (on and offline). It’ll be a struggle, I know, due to habitual forces. I remember a secondary school yearbook labelling me ‘a man of few words’. Am I really one? Just look at the number of words in this blog! And wait till you see me sharing Dharma live. :-]
You are not alone…
Hmm, “a man of few words”, but the few words are worth a million is better than the weigh of many words. 😆
Hi shian,
I remembered the Benjamin case’s movie reflection that you have blogged. it was really a good review.
Yesterday i was watching this movie that was posted free by the company for sharing – it won the Activist award.
http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/
Hope you will watch it and give a review. It is a very interesting perspective. Over the whole movie, it kept me thinking how Buddhism’s tenets and the perspectives that the author were sharing are interconnected: non-self, non-permanent; living at the moment.
This is just sharing. Hope many more people would know more about the movie’s principles.
Hi Faith, if you’re the Faith in PPF, yup, you’re of few words too. But the ones with few words usually pay more attention! ^_^
Hi ahsun, thanks for finding the Ben Button review useful. And thanks for the reminder to finish watching the Zeitgeist movie. I saw a bit of it before and it looked interesting :woot:
I don’t think you are having a strange problem.
Maybe you belong to the 25% of people who are introvert, so the rest of the 75% will find you weird …
You prefer meaty conversations rather than small talks, which nourish and energize yourself. You munch on meaty thoughts and get a good feeling of satisfaction and enjoyment.
You appreciate a simpler life, make intimate attachments. Plan and reflect on new ways of doing things, encourage others to be prudent, develop self-reflection and think before acting.
Do you walk around with lots of thoughts and feelings in your heads? If yes, you like mulling too.
You made comments that have more depth than the general level of the conversation, and may make people feel uncomfortable. Not many people can understand your comments.
If you have carefully thought out ideas on a subject or know a lot about a topic, your lips will start flapping fast and furious … And you don’t speak with spontaneity unless it’s a familiar subject …
You see the big picture before plunging ahead and focus well on long-term projects. You are even-tempered, good listener and loyal.
And, being in the current situation – you are put into “a course†– learning the art of solitude! ^_^
Hmmm… too much of a fixed mould to fit in? Most people are a mix of intro-extroverts. I become extrovert best when with close friends and while sharing the Dharma.
But it’s generally true, the above, for my case. Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing 8/ But hey, we can change.
Well, you can change for the better for your small talk adaption but do continue to maintain your ‘dragon-like’ style in Dharma sharing.
Fan of yours… :bandit: 😉
Hey, thanks for the encouragement 🙂 Amituofo
There is nothing good or no good about this. Just that our society values extroverts than introverts and people are defensive about introversion.
In this world, we need extroverts and introverts. Extrovert is like warrior (the doers of the world) and introverts who are thoughtful and observers, act like advisors. Warriors need Advisors and Advisors need Warriors, complement each other.
Introvert has the ability to focus deeply, understand how change will affect everyone (they are sensitive – can put themselves in someone else’s shoe), the capacity to observe, a propensity for thinking outside the box, the strength to make unpopular decision and potential to slow the world down a notch. Famous introverts are Abraham Lincoin, Thomas Edison, Bill Gates, Charles Schulz …
And introvert is not anti-social! Introverts do have friends and enjoy them, which explain why you are ‘extrovert’ among your friend. Unlike Extroverts gain energy from outward, too many activities can zap away introverts’ energy and they need more quiet time to recharge. Introvert are reluctant to spend too much energy on socializing, that why they don’t really enjoy idle chitchat.
Introverts are further divide into – right brainer and left brainer and different levels of introversion. You can read the book – ‘The Introvert Advantage – How to Thrive in an Extrovert World’ by Marti Olsen Laney, if you like.
As you love Dharma Work so much, it would be helpful that you understand what Introverts and Extroverts are like, so you can give them (Introverts & Extroverts) what they really want and which is the best way …
This will be good for ALL. 😀
Think it is best to be balanced in introversion and extroversion. Would think the Buddha is a good example – being introverted enough to look deep into his own mind and master it, while being extroverted enough to effectively share his findings with those he comes across.
I think we should look more at how the Buddha skilfully interacts and leads up to the Dharma, studying the discourses where he strikes up conversations with people from different walks of life. ^_^
(Think not all introverts are anti-social, but surely, some are. If not, who are the anti-social ones – if neither the introvert nor extrovert are?)
Buddha had enlightened. He put in the component compassionate, understands others and therefore, when he strikes up conversation, he inspired, guided other and also solved other their problems.
Not into the anti-social subject, don’t know much. Apparently, Shyness does not just belongs to Introvert but some Extrovert have that too. So, shyness is standalone!