I seem to be having a strange problem. But really, this problem has been there all along, only aggravated by the expansion in my jobscope, which made me busier. What is this problem? Because I do Dharma work, I’m particular about not spending work hours dwelling on even the littlest of non-work matters. Since I started my vocation in 1997, I had always been a largely silent worker, making little small talk or private chats with visitors and even colleagues, because, at the back of my mind is always this thought… My work is funded by donors of the ten directions, which is why I have to do my best to share the Dharma with beings of the ten directions (on and offline), and not spend work-time doing non-Dharma stuff instead. As time goes by, colleagues increasingly leave me out of chit-chat. The impression might be that I’m an anti-social loner better left alone? But I’m really just a misunderstood workaholic. 🙁
Recently, a colleague attended a Dharma discussion I was presenting at Awareness Place. (Yes, this is part of my work.) At the end of it, she exclaimed surprise that I was ‘so passionate’ in teaching, that it contrasts a lot with my persona in our office where I do research and writing. I think this sums up the irony – Strangers whom I have never met before (at Dharma sessions) know me and my passion more than colleagues whom I meet much more often. I’m more expressively interactive with the first than the latter. Hell, I even crack jokes and guffaw away with the audience. Another Dharma friend also expressed shock at my contrasting personas, saying I usually seem mild-mannered, but become ‘dragon-like’ when sharing the Dharma. (I figure that’s a compliment?)
I used to wonder which is the real me but have since decided that neither are, because there is no one ‘me’ anyway. Still, with strangers, I’m indeed much more comfortable with ‘Dharma talk’ than small talk. But I do see this as a serious problem – because if I’m truly skilful, I should be able to use small talk in any situation to lead up with ease to ‘Dharma talk’. The problem arose from having overly segregated small talk from ‘Dharma talk’. To fare better at Bodhisattva practice, I ought to more diligently connect with others beyond Dharma discussions (on and offline). It’ll be a struggle, I know, due to habitual forces. I remember a secondary school yearbook labelling me ‘a man of few words’. Am I really one? Just look at the number of words in this blog! And wait till you see me sharing Dharma live. :-]
>> March 8, 2009 – After volunteering, the first thing I feedback to VSS was how amazing the ‘non-living’ – your side’s video, it attached so many people and they are sitting there watching it (even if they are not, they are listening to it).
They don’t just come to sit and rest, because I noticed, when the video stop, people go off. When it re-started, people come back again.
I think, there is a BIG misconception in Buddhism Community here … Forgive me for being very frank.
Because of some Buddhists who can’t really accept the Vegetarianism yet (not their fault), this ‘society view’ from this limited group has been used to form the base for comparing. Never really talk about Vegetarianism much and it snowed ball into a big one, affecting more having the wrong views and limited views on vegetarianism.
The very sad thing is, this deprived those who are receptive to listen to such topic. If not, tell me why there are so many people willing to watch such talk on going vegetarianism by monk, in VCD form where there were a Vegetarianism Exhibitions in KMSPKS?
I too struggle with making small talk, even in Buddhist gatherings. However, I can be rather animated and perhaps sound ‘aggressive’ when discussing about dharma teachings.
Indeed there is no pure extrovert or introvert; we are usually a mixture of both traits. However, when we say someone is an introvert; we are referring to the dominant or most commonly observed personality trait in the eyes of the public.
I would like to encourage fellow Buddhists or any one who feel lost, who feel uncomfortable with fitting into societies which value extroverted behaviour by saying this: You are who you are. Unless you have attained some form of spiritual enlightenment, we are indeed different from one another in terms of personality traits and subtle habits.
You can learn to achieve a balance between the two narrow traits, but remember not to force yourself too much. There is absolutely nothing wrong with living your life as someone who prefers introverted thinking and behaviour as your true self; away from the public eye.
I have read what crystalbymail recommended: ‘The Introvert Advantage’. It’s quite reassuring and encouraging.
May all fellow Buddhists or any one; especially those who are introverted, shy or emotionally wounded, soon find their way in understanding and practising small talk as a form of skilful means to connect sincerely and deeply with another fellow human.
Only when a meaningful connection is firmly established and delicately maintained between any two or more persons, can the true exchange of love and wisdom in dharma teachings begin to flow into every single mind and heart.
There are some who are very receptive, once we can connect with them and show them the door of Buddhism and they can embark on the right path …
But I also discovered, in fact many Buddhists love to listen to other’s stories or Dharma sharing from their friends … but sometimes, they got “jealous†because other know something and they don’t know yet. Other a step in front and they are not there yet. Hope such mindset can change, there is nothing wrong with not knowing yet.
I remember giving a Buddhist Chanting CD to a person, for sharing and wrote a note if they don’t like it, just pass it on, does not matter. The next day, I got another CD back on the same chant, the note written was – THIS IS THE BEST. Oops!
When I tried to share info on Dharma Talks on a well known Monk with another person, the reply I got was My Dharma Friend didn’t tell me about this … another one told me, I had attended many such talks, so let others have a chance. Oops …
What was the reason? This person had attended the talks of this Monk before and in fact like it. Was it our competitive society cultivated us to be afraid of not knowing or afraid of losing out or other knowing, in term of everything in life or …
I was at Awareness Bookstore one day, sitting on the comfy sofa. 2 persons came in. A recommended B a book that A think is the best – The Tibetan book of Living and Dying. B immediately recommends the book – Opening the door of your heart, to A, said it is very good. Both A and B left without touching those books mentioned! What is going on? I read both books and I find they are very meaningful and useful …
So, the best way is Sangha to influence, make such events/talks etc as noticeable as possible so all will get the chance to know and benefit from it.
There are people who wish Buddhism could liberate them, but they are in Buddhism but not on a right path yet, they are going the opposite direction, getting further and further away …
Hope that Sangha can give more Truth Teachings … with concrete examples, rather then just talking high level or phases … Example – LETTING GO, it would be great to show us how to let go, the steps on how one can achieve with a real life example, so we can used that as a base to learn to apply it on other stuff.
Hey crystalbymail, I truly agreed your point … We should not get “jealous” with fellow buddhist :ermm: …Sometime I also encounter this problem when others attend sharing or teaching session some will keep quiet and some will eager to share around .
I hope we can be in harmony and encourage one another . As our society already has lots of problem .
With Metta ! 🙂
Hmm, The word ‘Sangha’ has both narrow and wide interpretations. It can refer to the monastics alone or the Buddhist community at large.
SO in that sense we can all do what we can to spread the dharma, in various ways that fellow buddhists and non-Buddhists are comfortable with.
Maybe we can think of it this way: our concern need not be about who’s the best person to do it or what’s the best way to do it. There isn’t one; a truth one would realise after some time. Cos every individual is different in terms; be it personality, family and social background, etc.
What is Buddhism actually? What is the Truth that Buddhism teaches? How can we as buddhists, spread the Truth in a way that does not appear as preachy or indifferent?
These are some questions that I ask myself and reflect upon constantly.
crystalbymail, I can relate to your views about explaining Buddhist teachings and concepts with real life examples; highlighting each step taken to achieve say, LETTING GO.
It is also one of my main personal wishes for the Sangha at large. The common saying is to ask of yourself than of others. However, we are looking for role models who can show us the way without sounding vague, indifferent or preachy. Those role models need not necessarily be restricted to monastic members; they can be anyone who can show us what is real compassion with wisdom through their daily interactions with us.
May all have the affinity to meet their suitable role models some day, so they can learn in greater details about true compassion and wisdom; something that can be found and polished in each and every one of us.
“Hope that Sangha can give more Truth Teachings … with concrete examples, rather then just talking high level or phases … Example – LETTING GO, it would be great to show us how to let go, the steps on how one can achieve with a real life example, so we can used that as a base to learn to apply it on other stuff.
”
I am currently attending the Mandarin Basic Buddhism Class at kmspks on Wed nite 7.30pm. The Venerable always gives great lay person easily understood examples to make the class more appreciative of Buddhism concepts.
The next lesson will be on 5 precepts, if you could, maybe you would like to try attend 1 lesson for trial? I believe her teaching mtds will be close to your requirements. (*)
Thanks Anonymous.
Thanks Erica.
Thanks jilexin, you have bring back a point I forgotten.
In real fact, I felt that this world has enough sufferings, and there is no need to add more to it, what we need is a peaceful environment so that all can progress. Therefore, I place all the hopes on Shangha who are suppose to know more to guide EVERYONE in the right direction, no matter how difficult it is.
In this society that we are brought up, with greeds, hated and delusion still unpurified (including me), people would still be selective and choosy of whom they want to listen to. Therefore, Shangha with good reputation are the ones able to reach out and play an important role, influence in our society with right values.
But again, maybe I am wrong. This is could be too high an expectation, afterall Shangha might not have enough manpower or many different real life experiences (unless they themselves gone through the process and know what they are talking about, rather than just quote from the sutra with limited explanation etc).
crystalbymail, you are not alone in your expectations or wishes on the role of the Sangha in spreading the dharma.
As I have said in my last recent comment, I share almost the same wishes as you do with regards to skilful means of guidance by the Sangha (both monastics and laymen Buddhists alike).
However, let us see it in this way. We can continue to improve our understanding and practice of Dharma teachings while we continue to seek out suitable role models.
I constantly remind myself with this:
The Buddha is no longer physically with us. The sutras that have been recorded and made available to us are open to many interpretations by both monastics and laymen Buddhists. They all have their valid points of view.
Most Buddhists know, and would agree that only a fully-enlightened Buddha has the perfect skilful means to guide each individual to understand and practise the
dharma.
The Buddha is recorded to be able to explain dharma skilfully and compassionately in a way that is suitable for the individual’s ambition, personality and intellect at any point in time. This applies to past and future Buddhas too.
I wish to encourage Buddhists who feel confused or lost with the countless variety of interpretations of dharma teachings to look upon them as good reference sources.
Continue to focus on understanding the basics like:
1) The Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold path ways
2) What it means to take refuge in the Triple Gems
3) How to really cultivate true compassion and wisdom as shown by the Buddha
4) What is your true aim in learning Buddhism?
– Is it just to cultivate merits for a better rebirth in the 3 good realms?
– Is it about gaining liberation from future rebirths?
– Or for some, the goal is to embark on the path of Bodhisattvahood, so as to become a fully-enlightened Buddha?
Jilexin – Appreciate this a lot 🙂 —
“I wish to encourage Buddhists who feel confused or lost with the countless variety of interpretations of dharma teachings to look upon them as good reference sources.â€
You are one that I encountered to say this in a logical and wise manner, many Buddhists would tell me otherwise – Don’t listen too many, just listen to one source, come to the place that I am learning. See how happy I am! ?????? Some would quote some Buddhist stuff to tell me not to criticize (when I just have questions)…
For me, listening to different Dharma Talks or reading books, it helps me to understand the concept much clearer once I can link them back,they compliment each other. Sometime, there will be questions, I think it should be the correct way of learning, only then it makes me start to reflect and think about it or bother to find out more or ask.
Answers to such questions will come back in other forms and means and sometimes after a long time …
They are time, when after seriously thinking, I find that it is wrong, it can’t be applied across the board using one formula for certain things. But I guess, I shall leave that open, maybe in the future I might find it is right or still wrong … The dangerous part of this is that it can leads to harmful and negative effects especailly to newbies or those who won’t dare to venture to find out more.
The very important thing is to put into practices little by little, they help learning and understanding the teachings … people must learn from their own experiences …
And Jilexin you have mentioned a good point – Non-Buddhist in the previous comment.
There are some non-Buddhist will never want to touch or get connect to Buddhist stuff even they have no religion. But they are willing to read other books or stuff (self-help etc), as long as it makes sense. Therefore, we should not forget about them, sharing in the way they can accept if possible …
I believe we should share not the religion, but the truth, the compassionate, the generosity, the wisdom if possible. They will definitely receive the benefit from all these.
There should be no line between Buddhist and Non-Buddhist, we are all living under the same sky, on the same planet, are sentient beings that are interdependent and interlink.
“Don’t listen too many, just listen to one source, come to the place that I am learning. See how happy I am! ?????? Some would quote some Buddhist stuff to tell me not to criticize (when I just have questions)…”
I have also received similar well-meaning advice or admonishment from both monastics and laymen Buddhists.
“The dangerous part of this is that it can leads to harmful and negative effects especailly to newbies or those who won’t dare to venture to find out more.”
This is an important concern for me. I am very concerned about how to guide myself and fellow newbies like me; who feels lost in understanding and following the countless well-meaning advice from Buddhist practitioners around me (be in face to face or through books or videos).
“I believe we should share not the religion, but the truth, the compassionate, the generosity, the wisdom if possible. They will definitely receive the benefit from all these.”
I share the same belief too. Personally, I often get to see the wisdom part of Buddhism, but the compassionate part of it is not so easy to discern or feel it tangibly.
I do not know how long you have been learning Buddhism, but I wish to share with you a story highlighting skilful means and compassion from the Lotus Sutra:
Lotus Sutra Chapter 4